不懂

你還在乎我嗎……？

你的世界就讓你擁有 不打擾是我的溫柔

寧願對自己狠心、絕情一點

也不想繼續再痛下去

原來要BLOCK掉一個很在乎很在乎的人

真的需要很大很大的勇氣

可是既然你已經對我反感

開始討厭我

老實說我真的不知道自己做錯什麼

我試過解釋過給你聽

可是似乎你都不了解……

所以我想我們是根本不可能的了

我也不希望自己再繼續對你有絲毫留戀

就讓這一切結束吧

黎楚勤

我會對你說多最後一次“我愛你”

從此以後

不再為你心疼 :')

失控

越來越不懂自己想怎樣

小事、小挫折也會使自己想流淚

我還有好多話想對你說

It's weird that everything can change just in a blink of an eye.

People leave.

You gave everything that all my ex-es failed to give.
You fulfilled my emptiness.
You fixed me.

I thought you were the right person for me.
I thought you meant everything you said.
I thought we could make it last.

EVERYTHING was just what I thought.
EVERYTHING you said turned into lies.

But it’s okay, I knew it.
Who the fuck would ever fall in love with me?
From the day you confessed to me, I already knew it.
I was just expected too much.
Thanks to you, I’m fucked up. I’m broken. Again.

我裝灑脫

我沒有挽留

就這麼走了

就這麼還你自由了

誰知道我有多麼的不捨？

我還有好多話想對你說。。。

Can you tell me one thing? 

How did you do it? 

How did you move on? 

How did you forget about everything we had? 

How did you manage to erase all those memories from your mind? 

Most importantly, how could you want to? 

Please tell me, 'cause I just can't.

Remember when we used to talk everyday? 

Remember when we would stay up late at night talking about the randomest things? 

Remember when we used to fall asleep on the phone and argue about who should go to sleep first? 

It sucks knowing that we can't do all that anymore. 

Yeah, we used to talk everyday but now we don't talk at all.

Everyone asks me to let you go but I just can't.
How am I supposed to forget when there are so much to remember?

When I open my eyes from waking up, my first thought is you.
And my last thought is still you.

I can't stop thinking about you just like I always do.

I miss you.

I miss your morning texts.

I miss when you called me "babe" or "dear".

I miss you being around with me whenever I'm down. Or even I'm happy.

I miss your everything.

and now you're just gone like that...

I wish we remained as friends in the first place.

Even though I would be still liking you,

at least we were still friends and my stomach still got butterflies everytime I heard of you or receive your texts.

And now we are even worse than strangers...

Everyone changes, I get that. 

But you don't have to pretend that I never existed.

I gave you my all and you gave nothing back. 

Now I'm empty inside and you don't even care to see me cry.

Why did you do this to me? 

I thought you meant everything you said. 

I thought you wouldn't leave.

You lied to me.

You promised you would never leave me alone...

I still remember your words....

你說我會找到一個更愛我的男生

可是我再也不想去像愛你那樣的愛別人了

And I know this day would come, as expected.

一個人。

無法改變的事實

最後我就是一個人過活了

人生從來沒有朋友這兩個字

他們一開始會對你好

和你聊天和你玩

可是到最後

他們都會離你而去

以前的中學朋友

所謂的死黨

距離也越來越遠了

遠到從每天都哈拉變去一天裡半句話也沒說過的那種

論壇的朋友

自從8個月前的BBQ和SKYPE上的輝哥飯局後

現在如同陌生人

看到他們坐在一起歡聚時

有著莫名的難過

以前學院的朋友

更加不用提了

好像根本就沒和他們好過

遇到對方都只是說說客套話就走了

現在學院的朋友

不想提

原以為是姐妹

結果……

一樣的事情還是發生了

人家說

朋友不需要多

知心的一兩個就好

問題是

我半個都沒有

從來不知道自己原來是那麼在乎友情的

可是越在乎

就越受傷

難道我的生命中就只有家人嗎？

說到家人

也不是說很好罷了

無端端

姐姐就和我還有二哥反面了

總覺得不好的事情還在後頭

最近過到真的很不順利

真想有個人會抱著我

我不要他說“一切都會變好的”

我只想要被抱著

讓我大哭一場

不再壓抑

不再偽笑

這就足夠了……

You don't want to read this.

Do I get jealous? Yes.

Do I cry randomly? Yes.

Do I cry myself to sleep? Yes.

Do I miss you every second you're gone? Yes.

Do I feel lonely at times? Yes.

Do I need you? Yes.

Do I need someone to talk to you? Yes.

Do I like to be left alone sometimes? Yes.

Do I need a daily hug? Yes.

Do I love someone? Yes.

Do I care about someone? Yes.

Do I have feelings? Yes.

Do I get hurt? Yes.

Do I fight? Yes.

I'm only human.

I HATE WHEN PEOPLE PROMISE THINGS.

you can’t promise forever. 

you can’t promise you’re not going to do something, 

or that you won’t hurt another person. 

Forever is a long time and people get hurt daily. 

so why make a promise you can’t keep?

-

Sometimes, you just can't tell everybody how you feel.

It's not because you don't want them to know,

not because you don't want them to get hurt,

and not because you don't trust them.

But because,

you can't find the right words to make them truly understand.

.....

peoplefuckingleave.

ababababa

ifuckinghatemyselfallofthesuddenijustwanttoawayfrompeopleiwanttoescapeorjustdisappear

gurghtuhgbtuhg

yesicantshowupmyselfwithoutmakeupthisisthetruthofcourseyoudontmindbecauseyourenottheuglyoneiknowyourebornedprettysoidontblameyouyouwouldntunderstandandyoudonthavetounderstandkthxbye

:(

I'm beginning to think you were a waste of time,

that I've spent all of this time on falling more and more for you,

and you're just going to throw it away like it's nothing.

You don't care,

and you never did.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I'm sick of the same thing happening every time.

Lady Gaga - Judas PV

i can't get it from youtube though. 

btw it's awesome. 

goodnight.

being emotional because i have nothing to do.

所以我真的太不能无所事事

我从昨晚开始就emo到自己流泪睡着

睡醒了又开始emo到现在 -_-

天啊我想去上课啊T____T

这样的日子真的好难过……

还有就是我emo的问题所以我对他发脾气了……

i'm such an fucking asshole..........

老友恋爱一周年，我单身一周年。

just saying.

难过

好难过好难过好难过的啊

那天看到同学找自己的老友来当模特儿

心里超级羡慕的说。。。

我也想带我的朋友来啊 :(

老友说不行

问问问

就连完全不熟的超级普通朋友问了她们也不鸟我……

是我本身的问题吗？

还是你们个个害怕？

对我没信心？

对自己没信心？

还是根本没想过要？

唉。。。

朋友也帮不上忙

更何况是校外的路人。。。

真的好难过。。。

到底有谁能帮到我？

自己？

自己画自己？

那我学化妆搞屁？

去死。

-----------無限期活動休止-----------

I wish I was 30.

好想快点活到30岁

思想已够成熟

家人会对我放心，并且信任我。

好想快点活到30岁

和朋友出门时不必解释多多

只需交代去哪，几点回家，对方是谁

就能拿起钥匙踏出家门。

好想快点活到30岁

能自己打理一切事物

不需要依赖家人。

好想快点活到30岁

已经是中年人士

会比较喜欢留在家陪陪老人家

多过和朋友出出吹吹水。

好想快点活到30岁

已经是到了该买车买屋的年纪

会少花钱为未来打算。

好想快点活到30岁

今年，我19岁。

对老人家来说

我还小。

6th January 2011

这是那么久以来最早+最舒服的一觉
醒来后真的很精神
于是就准备去考试了
英文，真的很容易
可是考完之后才发现自己做了一个错误
很生气
很讨厌自大的自己
以为英文是最强的
就得意忘形

×分割线×

接下来的那几科
压力真的很大
因为都是我最不拿手的
妈妈说什么要考好来让我好下台
另一方又说不要给我压力
不觉得很矛盾吗？
我不要什么好下台
我只要做回我自己！

4th January 2011

不晓得是不是因为考试压力

最近很多事情都想不开

好像又回到了以前天天以泪洗脸的日子

第二天妈妈要做个小手术

把腰间的水瘤切除

一听就知道一点危险性都没有

可是妈妈却想太多

竟然开始交代身后事

说什么死后这些交给谁，那些给谁管理之类的话

我听到开始哽咽

我很努力的忍住不让眼泪流下

结果到了晚上睡觉时再次cried myself to sleep.

也开始胡思乱想

现在无可否认妈妈真的想太多

可是过不久她可能会做个子宫切除手术

之前听说过一个女人切除子宫后几天就死了。

我越哭越凶

因为泪流得越多

就越发现现在的自己多没用

什么都不会

我还能做什么

自己也养不活自己了

大哥大姐也早就有了自己的生活

二哥可能也不理我了（我知道二哥其实讨厌我）

最后剩下我一个人

好友？就算我们再好

也不可能会让个床位给我LOL

突然很不知道自己该怎么办

于是我也没告诉任何人

有预感我的忧郁症又会再回来了

没人会了解我这几天的心情。