My Confession.

My name is Jill.

Literally I'm 19 years old, but I'm already dead.

I'm a fat ass.

I ain't cute, pretty, gorgeous, attractive etc.

I'm nothing without my makeup on.

People think I'm happy but I just got better at my fake smile.

I overthink.

I don't know how to control my emotions, and it scares me.

I'm a fucked up person. I have a lot of issues.

I break down easily.

I cut.

I no longer trust people.

I'm paranoid.

I have been battling clinical depression and EDNOS for a year.
They just get better, then screw up again.
I never recover from them.
I was just pretending to be happy.

I hate myself.

I'm too broken to fix.

My days consist of a mixture of "I want to kill myself" and "The world is so beautiful" with a constant "I hate people".

I used to have hope. But then I realized I was just simply expected too much.
I used to believe everything would be fine eventually. But then I realized I was wrong.
Things never get better, they only become worse and now, the worst.

I know there are a lot of people out there who care about me. But I still feel lonely, because the one I care, doesn't care about me.

Everybody says I deserve better but nobody is willing to give me.

I'm never an idea of perfect for anyone.

I'm never a beautiful person.

I'm worthless.

I'm nothing.

I'm weak.

I can't hold on anymore.

But I love my family.
媽咪，姐姐，隆哥哥，傑哥哥，菱萱，菱芯，嘉雯

I love my real friends and soulmates.
Xindy, Celine, Carmen, Sotong, Tikus, Sousou, Edwin, Kay, Yvonne, Shower
阿哥，竣翔，大瓜，小凱，小黑，喜羊羊，阿某，一個
and many else.

And most importantly, I love YOU.
Cleavon.